Don’t Leave Them Behind

5 Apr


Don’t leave your family behind for your dream.

Sounds crazy, right? Who would do that?

I would. And your neighbor might. Maybe even the mentor you have or at least wish you had at your church. The reality is the grass always looks greener on the other side.

I fell for that trick once. Almost lost my family in the process, but instead met a God that transcended my sin, my dreams, what I thought I wanted, and everything I had known before. And through the mess that I made so many years ago (13 now), He has brought me to this reality.

Don’t leave your family behind for your dream.

The reality is, there will always be grass that looks greener on the other side. Maybe it’s the sports car instead of the minivan. Maybe it’s the career you could have or the time out with the fellas (Holla!) that you missed last month. Perhaps it’s the woman that friend requested you on Facebook or the Monster Truck Rally no one else in your family is interested in. Maybe it’s something else, the list really does go on and on.

Don’t leave your family behind for that dream.

The dream is yours… it’s like when you wife wanted you to read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and you didn’t. It resulted in a fight and you ended up apologizing. Sound familiar? Maybe it was the movie you didn’t want to watch.  There are two keys to understand about dreaming we can look at here….

1.  If your dream isn’t her dream, you can’t force it to be— she’s not wired to be you. You are wired by God to be you. My wife and I are very different in many ways. But there are a few things we both dream for: Adoption. It took me a lot longer to want this than her, but she was willing to wait on me. Ministry. While we aren’t sure at this point in our lives what this looks like, we both know its part of Gods plan for our future. I’m more involved with where I think it is, but I can’t force-feed her my plan for it. More than anything she needs me to seek Gods plan for it.

2. Your kids aren’t ready to understand your dream, but they can support it if you support them. There is an “I” in family, but not in team. They need you to teach them as a father what it means to be an individual, a man or woman of God in a broken world. Your wife needs you to be this kind of man too. If you do this, it builds trust that you aren’t going to be unstable in their lives for your dream. They need stability and consistency. As a father of a 16 yr old boy, a 13 and 8 yr old girls, they need you to say no to your dream for a bit each day and say yes to theirs.

It’s impossible to unpack everything to be said here, so I do hope this little icebreaker in dreaming vs. family will be the start of some good conversations.  We need to move beyond ourselves as men, no matter what stage of life we’re in now. Not a father or husband yet? Learn well now! Women like a man that knows this stuff!

Don’t leave your family behind for your dream.

-Branden Pachey


Brandon Pachey is a husband of an amazing wife and father of three awesome kids, hoping to adopt for the first time soon. He has lived all over the United States in six different states and Germany. He has worked in Youth Ministry as a volunteer for 13 years (3 as a full time volunteer youth pastor) and done ministry in Germany with military students and US Military Men’s Ministry. He looks periodically at the funny things the church does and faith in day to day life on For the Love of God Too blog ( He also has a passion for Off-Roading as a family sport.


Image via Marben Bland

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