Why Men Hate Going To Church

7 Apr


Lots of men hate going to church.

I confess, I am one of them at times. It’s not the people, it’s not the time I have to get up. It’s not even that I’m upset with God.  It’s the lack of men.

Stop a minute and think about the regulars in your church on a Sunday morning. Are there more men than women missing from the families? What about single folks? How’s the men’s ministry at your church? Maybe the better question is how is the women’s ministry?

Mind you some denominations are stronger in supporting men than others, some not allowing women to serve at all (that’s a different post for a different blog). Not knocking it, just stating a fact. If you find none of the above questions apply to your church, keep reading anyway, maybe God is using this in another way for you to minister to someone else’s church?

See I own a book titled “Why Men Hate Going To Church” by David Murrow and why more often than not the answers to the questions above aren’t the most positive answers many times. Within the book he basically states truths that I never would have recognized had they not been pointed out to me. As I write this it’s from memory so for a more expansive and specific explanation I highly recommend you check out the book.

Without further ado, here are some reasons you might hate going to church:

-You are bored. Or better said, you are not challenged to operate in your gifts. I have learned and read a lot about what’s wrong with the Body of Christ as a whole, but at its root, many men just like you and I are just bored at our local churches. We aren’t being challenged to operate in our gifts or we don’t know what they are to begin with. We’re not being asked to find out. We are meeting the status quo by attending Sunday mornings….this has led to another BIG problem…

-The women have taken over. Now the author and I will reiterate, especially for any ladies reading, this isn’t meant in any way, shape or form to be a sexist or dominant male comment-so stay with me! Since the church as a whole (that is the Body of Christ and locally) hasn’t challenged men to operate in Gods design for them and as a result the women that He has raised up have taken over the things God created so many men to be doing. It’s biblical in that this will happen when we don’t operate in our gifts. It’s a testament that it’s not up the Pastor or anyone else to make you operate in your gift. If you’re not pressing into God, you’re gonna miss this! Don’t miss this anymore! Ask anyone in ministry and they will probably tell you there is a pressing need for men in the local church. Yet if you don’t seek what He is calling you to do, someone else and in the case of so many local churches, the women have taken the place. This leads us to the third problem….

-There is a feministic movement in the local church. This fact is especially seen in contemporary worship music. Think of your worship songs on Sunday. Are there some of them that while honoring God also could read like your wife is singing them to you? We sing one that talks about leaning up against Jesus chest and feeling him breathe. It’s like what I imagine a steamy nasty romance novel might be like (No, I don’t read those!). There are so many songs that while they do honor God, they are rooted in feminism. That’s not a judgment on the artist, but it is a sign of the lack of a male influence within our worship.  Really take some time to read the lyrics…. There is another song that was originally lyriced something about  “Heaven meeting earth sloppy wet kiss, it’s since changed in many churches to make people more comfortable by taking out the part about being “sloppy”. We need sloppy though. We need to not be afraid to admit we need men in our churches. Ask most wives who come to church without their husbands, you better believe they want them there representing as the head of their families. There’s much more to be said about this, but let’s look at one final issue this movement within our church walls has caused.

-I kissed dating goodbye, now I’m in love with Jesus. You got dumped for Jesus. Don’t worry, He is God so you really never could compete with Him anyway. The good news here is that your wife or girlfriend should be loving Jesus more than you anyway (if you don’t get that, talk to a man of God you look up to for guidance). The issue has become that many women—and in this context we’re discussing single women—are literally romantically in love with Jesus. I’m no women’s ministry expert, but I am pretty sure that’s totally unscriptural. So why does this happen? Where are the men in their lives that should be leading in this role? Absent without parole apparently.

The lack of men in the church has led the women to fill as many roles as possible, and while they aren’t dating each other (Praise God for that!) they are pointing people to Jesus which is good right? In desperation, loneliness and hurt, many women are left looking to take that same Jesus that is shaped for their heart’s salvation and also put a square peg in a round hole where a Godly husband should be.

And all the single men said THIS-IS-AWESOME!

Women that will date anyone! Hold on there buddy! That doesn’t change the fact that God has one woman designed for you. It does mean you can show the love of Christ to them in an appropriate way.  It does mean you can demonstrate God’s design for you as a man within your local church and pursue Gods mate for you appropriately (I personally recommend courtship, it’s not dead!).

So can we reverse these negative trends? That’s really up to you and me. It’s a matter of obedience to overcome these obstacles and do it in a loving way that isn’t going to be chauvinistic, overbearing and is done in love. The greatest of these is LOVE, remember? Love God, love others….and in doing so, ASK, SEEK, KNOCK and the door shall be opened to you! We can do this men.

-Brandon Pachey


Brandon Pachey is the husband of an amazing wife and father of three awesome kids, hoping to adopt for the first time soon. He has lived all over the United States in six different states and Germany. He has worked in Youth Ministry as a volunteer for 13 years (3 as a full time volunteer youth pastor) and done ministry in Germany with military students and US Military Men’s Ministry. He looks periodically at the funny things the church does and faith in day to day life on For the Love of God Too blog (http://fortheloveofgodtoo.wordpress.com/). He also has a passion for Off-Roading as a family sport.

Image via pastorjoemcgarry

3 Responses to “Why Men Hate Going To Church”

  1. cranstonholden April 7, 2013 at 13:29 #

    Some are CEO Christians. (Christmas and Easter Only)

    • For the Love of God April 7, 2013 at 19:04 #

      Another good point, and we see them weekly as well, but they dont press in do they?

      This is more of an issue for many men that only brave local churches will choose to address I believe.

  2. Daniel McCarthy April 8, 2013 at 17:05 #

    probably one of the most important reasons that Men cant stand church is the picture of Jesus most Churches paint. Jesus is depicted often for his weaknesses only. People forget that he is the Conquering King. People forget that he was the same God that ordered the annihilation of the Caananites. People forget that when he returns, his clothes are going to be stained with the blood of his enemies. I think that the reason MEn can’t stand Church is because God is not portrayed as judge, but only as “friend”. Wisdom starts with fear of the Lord.

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