The Parent Dictionary

22 Apr

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When you become a parent, not only does your perspective on the world change, but your vocabulary begins to shift. Words take on totally new meanings. Here are a few words that all of the dads out there will be familiar with, and all the dads to be should start learning…

CASSEROLE– A combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together

DESSERTS– The reason for eating a meal

DUMBWAITER– One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

EVAPORATE– Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes

FULL NAME–  What you call your child when you’re mad at him

GIMME– An indication that a child really likes something

GRANDPARENTS– The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right

HEARSAY– What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

I DON’T KNOW– Proof that your children need a proper education

INDEPENDENT– How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

MINE– The only word a child can remember in the toy store

OW– The first word spoken by children with older sibling

PLATE– A breakable Frisbee

PRENATAL– When your life was still somewhat your own

PUDDLE– A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it

SHOW OFF– A child who is more talented than yours

STERILIZE– What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it

TABLE– A place for storing gum

THIRSTY– How your child feels after you’ve said your final “good night”

TOP BUNK– Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

TWO-MINUTE WARNING– When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

VERBAL– Able to whine in words

WHODUNIT– None of the kids that live in your house

Have you learned any new vocabulary as a dad? Share it below in the comments!

-Dave Wonders

(I owe a lot of credit to my friend Adam Hannan who originally shared a few of these on his radio show about a week back. Apparently it was a popular e-mail forward back in the days when people still did that, but unfortunately I couldn’t find the original author.)

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Yes, “David Wonders” is his real name. Dave is  a husband, a father, and the midday host at 104.3 The Pulse (thepulse.mn). Somehow he finds time to read absurd numbers of books.  Connect with Dave on TwitterFacebookLinkedIn, and Klout.

photo credit: Elektra Grey via photopin cc

2 Responses to “The Parent Dictionary”

  1. Bryan Logan April 22, 2013 at 09:18 #

    Our kids just made up stuff.

    Goggin- To bother or irritate by an inanimate object. “This shirt is goggin me”.

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