I Think I’m Having A Meltdown

13 May


There’s no way to say this without sounding selfish about it… So I can’t say what I want to say.

There are some things that just aren’t right. Things that there are just no explanation for.  Yet there’s one thing that we (at least I hope I’m not alone here) just can’t understand, and at the same time,  can’t and really shouldn’t try to change– it has more to do with how we handle it.

I’m talking about the letdown.

It’s the place where worlds collide some days.

It’s a great day at work, but when you get home, things aren’t so great.  When you go from a job where you get respect to a home where you are trying to be everything to everyone.

Father. Husband. Chef. Doctor. Counselor. Crisis mediator. Disciplarian. Taxi Driver. Disrespected. Wrong. The list can go on and on.

It’s like life somehow makes a 180 degree turn on you between the office (or shop for y’all with more manly jobs than me) and home.

It’s that place where awesome turns back into real life.

At work you get an award, but when you walk in the door at home, things aren’t well with the world.

You’re tired. You’re struggling. There are other men out there that you could call, but how would that look? It’s easier to reach out to them when you’re not about to break. Gotta be tough and solve whatever awaits at home, or so we think.

Perhaps you’re tired today. Maybe you’re tired of your wife being sick, not because she’s doing anything wrong, but because you wanted to take her out to dinner, but instead you can’t fix her. You can’t do anything to help her feel OK.  Maybe she doesn’t even want you near her. Maybe it’s the headache (again).  Maybe she just needs a break from the kids who have had a rough day at home and now she needs some mom time and needs YOU to do the dishes, make dinner and deal with the kids who are now having a rougher night.

It’s that feeling when things just aren’t how we planned. Things aren’t fair. They certainly aren’t what you always dreamed your life would end up like.

I can relate.

I have been there my friend. I am seeing my own father enter into a breaking point right now after decades of marriage. I see his hurt, but I see other things too. I have been there, chasing the unknown instead of what I committed too. I think many of us–not all, but many of us–have these days.

Maybe your struggle wasn’t listed above. Maybe it’s bigger than that. Maybe I’m too selfish a person to look in the mirror at the plank in my own eye.

At the root of it all though,  we have to remember are a few things:

-Pain is temporary. Maybe you can’t fix your spouse. Maybe it’s time to get over our circumstances and how we feel and at least attempt to see whatever “it” is how Jesus sees it. I am not implying its easy. I want much for my family… more than anything I want them to see Jesus in all circumstances, but I can’t force-feed them my understanding of Jesus. They have to develop that for themselves. I can’t make them see Jesus in their trials, but I can attempt to be like Jesus to them in their trials though.

-Circumstances are temporary. Whatever this feeling, this selfishness may be, it’s not God. That should be a concern of yours if it isn’t already. Don’t wait until your breaking point to seek a Godly man to build you back up. Do something. Don’t settle for mediocre in your walk with God. Get a good friend that can relate to your  perspective, someone that’s wired like you. It doesn’t have to be someone you are best friends with, but it should be someone who is a man of God.

-Life goes on. It may be hard to see the forest for the trees, but when we seek God, He has a way of unblurring our vision. Be open and honest with your wife. Chances are, she will understand if she knows you’re not getting what you need spiritually and need a day with some other men.

Don’t let the 180 degree turn melt you down. If your home life is awesome and healthy and happy, maybe your work life sucks. Don’t let it melt you down either. The same God that exists in the Bible is the same God of today, of your home and your work life. If you let Him be. You’re not in this alone.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8


-Brandon Pachey


Brandon Pachey is the husband of an amazing wife and father of three awesome kids, hoping to adopt for the first time soon. He has lived all over the United States in six different states and Germany. He has worked in Youth Ministry as a volunteer for 13 years (3 as a full time volunteer youth pastor) and done ministry in Germany with military students and US Military Men’s Ministry. He looks periodically at the funny things the church does and faith in day to day life on For the Love of God Too blog (http://fortheloveofgodtoo.wordpress.com/). He also has a passion for off-roading as a family sport.

photo credit: x-ray delta one via photopin cc

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