What Do Women Need From Men?

17 Jul

large_2627694611I was asked a question the other day by a good friend that I’ve never been asked before. I wish that the amount of honesty and vulnerability in this question didn’t shock me, but it does. He asked,

“What do Christian women need from Christian men in today’s day and age?”

Because I’ve never been asked this before, it took me a few days to come up with an answer. Now that I’ve recovered from my initial shock, I can give you a list of 5 things Christian women need from Christian men.

(Quick note: This list is to be used in consideration with dating relationships and marriage. For friendships, please refer to point 5.)

1) Become a student of the one you are pursuing. Learn everything there is to know about her. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly…all of it. Learn about her because you are genuinely interested not because you feel like there’s going to be a test. I mean, there are tests. They’re called birthdays and anniversaries. That’s beside the point though.

I can’t adequately describe how meaningful it is for someone I’m interested in to want to know me. Who I am, where I came from, what I like, the things I’ve experienced and how it all adds up to who I am today. I can say that it will make you stand out.

If you are still in the pursuit stage of your relationship, this is an incredibly important step. Marriages are supposed to last forever so you’re going to want to really know that person before you say vows with them. If you are married, please still pursue your wife. Just because you got her to say yes doesn’t mean you’re off the hook with the pursuit process.

2) Be a friend to the one you are pursuing. There’s going to come a day in your romance where all the hot, sweet passion you have for your spouse is not going to carry you through a trial you face together. And there will come a day when looks fade and you’ll need a firm foundation to rely on to keep your marriage intact.

Ok, I tried to skirt around saying this but I need to make sure you understand. Marriage is more than just sex. It’s about partnering together to live this life for Christ and have an impact on this lost world. If you’re going to commit yourself to someone for the rest of your days, don’t you want to be their friend?

3) Being in love with a girl is great. Committing to love her the rest of your days is even better. The position of being in love with someone stems from your emotions. Your emotions change… a lot. You’re going to have to have a more concrete reason to marry someone than the fact that you’re in love. It is entirely possible to be in love with someone that you cannot create a life with. Think about it. If she contracts a deadly illness, are you going to stay by her side? If she loses her faith in God, are you going to love her with the love of Christ in order to bring her back? If she has a mental breakdown, are you willing to be a pillar of strength for her? If she does something that the world would mark as unforgivable, are you going to depend on Christ to forgive her anyway? Love has a lot of emotions that come with it but it is primarily an action. When you tell your woman you love her, are you expressing pure emotion or expressing your undying commitment to her?

4) Understand that God’s calling on our lives is equally as important as His calling on yours. This seems obvious, I know. But you would be surprised at how many men don’t get this. I can tell you that women were made for more than bearing children. The way God made us puts us in a unique position to minister to people in a way that men cannot. That’s not a bad thing for guys. It just means that when we come together, if we’re focused on Christ first and then each other, what we can do for the kingdom of God will be limitless.

You should also hold us accountable for the gifts God has given us. We should never squander what God has given us to lead people to Him.

5) Respect. The women in your life may not understand that they are worthy of respect so it is important for you to be faithful in this area. You can do that by monitoring how you speak to us, the way you look at us, and by being chivalrous.

Let me tell you, nothing makes me feel more shameful or sicker to my stomach than when a man is looking at me and there’s only one thing on his mind. Yes, we can tell when that’s what is on your mind. And it’s gross. If you are not married to a woman, then her body is not yours to enjoy. Not even in thought or gaze.

What do I mean by being chivalrous? Open the door for us (bonus points if it’s a car door *swoon*). Carry our bags for us. Defend our honor if given the opportunity. We are capable of doing these things on our own but it’s nice to be shown respect in those ways.

There is a common thread in every point I made today: Selflessness.

Trust me when I say, we’re not the first ones to ask that of you…

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word… In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.” Ephesians 5:25-26,28-29

Now it’s your turn: What do Christian men need from Christian women in this day and age?


-Kim Fortenberry


Kim is a writer from Memphis, TN. Her passion is to help others live the Christ life with conviction, dedication and a lot of laughter. She writes weekly at her blog and tweets far too much.

photo credit: ginnerobot via photopin cc

One Response to “What Do Women Need From Men?”

  1. asrozanas July 18, 2013 at 09:13 #

    Reblogged this on Adam Rozanas and commented:
    My friend Dave started More Than a Beard in answer to a simple question: “What’s a real man look like?”

    This featured post is a great answer, in part.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: