4 Things I’ve Learned In 4 Years Of Marriage

15 Aug


Sometimes I really wish that marriage came with some kind of users manual.

My wife and I went through pre-marital counseling and I’ve read plenty of books on marriage, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot more from my four years of accidental successes and failures.

If you’re going to married soon or are newly married, perhaps some of this will be new information. Perhaps you’ve heard it, but like me, it takes hearing something a few times for it to sink in. Wherever you’re at, trust me: The four points I am going to outline are vital and basic. The sooner you learn them and live them, the happier and healthier your marriage will be…

1. Take Ownership

Male passivity is at an all time high and we need to do everything we can to take responsibility for our families… This is not to say that we need to completely control the household and become dictators of family affairs. Don’t sit on your butt and leave it to your wives to take on everything. Marriage is a partnership, so work together, operate in your giftings, and step up whenever opportunities to serve and lead present themselves.

2. Pursue Her

We all know how to do this, guys! Once upon a time we wrote poetry, purchased thoughtful gifts, and assembled epic mixed tapes… why do so many husbands stop pursuing their wives after the “honeymoon” phase is over? Just because you are married now doesn’t mean that we have arrived and we no longer need to shower our wives with affection. It will take some work, but shake the rust off and start exercising your romantic muscles again!

3. Praise Her

Praise your wife any time the opportunity presents itself… whether your wife is present or not. Everyone appreciates being affirmed, and I don’t think that I’ve ever heard a wife complain that her husband shows his appreciation of her too much. It’s also amazing to me how often I have heard men complaining about their spouses to other men. Avoid this behavior like the plague. Let’s model something better to the men in out spheres of influence by voicing the affirmation, love and respect our wives deserve.

4. Seek Reconciliation

It doesn’t take long for me to brush things off or let them go. Once I’ve cooled down, I’m completely okay, even if there hasn’t been some kind of formal reconciliation or mending of relationship. Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t work the same way. If we go to bed without working things out after an argument, the problems will not only still exist in the morning, but they will be highly exacerbated. Even if you are frustrated and would rather get some z’s, you’re doing yourself a favor if you go through the steps to properly resolve things (see Ephesians 4:26 if you don’t believe me).

What are some valuable things you’ve learned about marriage? Share in the comments!

-Dave Wonders


Yes, “David Wonders” is his real name. Dave is  a husband, a father, and the midday host at 104.3 The Pulse (thepulse.mn). Somehow he finds time to read absurd numbers of books and run this wonderful site.  Connect with Dave on TwitterFacebook,and LinkedIn.

2 Responses to “4 Things I’ve Learned In 4 Years Of Marriage”

  1. Larry Poole August 21, 2013 at 05:20 #

    David, great post. One of the things that I’ve learned is that even when I “win” an argument, usually we both still lose. That’s why it’s better to say less, then seek reconciliation as you’ve suggested above.

    Thanks for sharing.


  1. 32 Things I’ve Learned | Cindy Holman - September 2, 2013

    […] 4 Things I’ve Learned In 4 Years Of Marriage (morethanabeard.com) […]

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