Do Not Just Date Your Wife.

27 Jun

I’m reading a book right now called ‘Date Your Wife.’ It is one of those books that I would not normally be interested in, based on the title. However, I picked it up and gave it a read.

I would not recommend it and I will tell you why later. But the first chapter spurred some good points for a blog post.

People Are Selfish And Do Not Truly Care

It is absolutely true. It is sad, but it is true. Do not get me wrong, people and humans have a propensity to be emotionally driven and CAN show care and love. But often times, it is just an emotional period of care, not a consistent and caring spirit. Humans are typically drawn to their nature, which is self, not others. date-night-movie

For example, I have a good friend who is very involved in cancer research. She is a warrior, serving and loving those who have cancer. She does cancer walks, events, raises truck loads of money and works like a maniac for those inflicted with cancer and those who are cancer survivors.

But she ignores her husband. She would rather serve others with cancer, rather than learning to serve the most important relationship God has ever given her; her husband.

Another example, a friend of mine was so incredibly driven by his work and studies that he ignored his wife, only to find her leave for another man. He is a millionaire, young and handsome. He is driven like Steve Jobs combined with Andrew Carnegie’s business smarts. He spends 70-80 hours per week on his company and in his community with business-related functions. He is amazingly blessed in business and successful, according to the standards of Wall Street. Yet his wife is lonely and bitter. She did not marry an entrepreneur. Sadly, he is not available to serve his wife and kids.

A very wise mentor once told me that, as humans, we are capable of anything at any time, because we are fallen beings. He is correct. We are selfish creatures and often do not care.

It Is Easy To Become Bitter When People Do Not Care

When men, more specifically husbands, come across a situation where their wives do not show respect/love to them, husbands/men often pout, give up and act like spoiled kids.

I’ve fallen into this trap. The trap of bitterness, anger and resentment.

Let this be a warning to men: there are severe consequences living in this stage of life. Do not fall into this trap. Continue to fight!

When our focus as individuals is on self, we tend to see everyone else in the mirror, rather than ourselves. We judge others, blame others, become consumed with despair and generally are miserable.

When our focus is on self, rather than others-first, we run to everything and anything that produces happiness for us. For some, that happiness might be materials possessions like new cars, a sweet house with a pool, new furniture, high-paying job, alcohol, money, illicit drugs and pornography.

When we focus solely on self, we crave these things and when we do not get them, we can become bitter and angry. The brain and heart tend to think that God does not care and we can become hard and bitter.

Focus On Being A Vessel

When our focus, as men, is on ourselves and what we DO NOT have, our only mission in life is to obtain what we cannot. Instead of being grateful and thankful for what we have been given, i.e., wife, house, car (that actually runs), we seek more material stuff, more self and give less to others. 200441388-001

God calls men to be vessels. A vessel is like a ship, carrying precious cargo. A vessel is a bowl or spoon that transfers water or food to the human body. A vessel is a tube or duct, as an artery or vein, conveying blood or some other body fluid to the organs that need it to survive. A vessel is necessary to sustain life.

As part of this vessel, God requires that men serve their wives and others, unconditionally. As men, we are called to “give, carry and convey” to others and our wives. We are commanded to be vessels.

Do Not Date Your Wife

God does not want men to date their wives. To JUST date your wife, implies that you are in your marriage relationship JUST to go on dates, run around, spending money like a buffoon, while taking your wife on crazy, expensive dates. That is not caring or loving.

Here are some examples of when a “date” does not make sense.

  • How do you date your wife when you loose a child? How does a husband serve his wife then?
  • How does a man date his wife, when you lose your job?
  • How do you love your spouse when she is unfaithful? A date perhaps? Of course not.
  • How do you date your wife when your son/daughter starts down a path of holy-terrifying, life decisions?
  • What happens when your wife’s father dies? The type of father who was a bronze statue, who held the family together and who leaves HUGE legacy-sized shoes to fill? A date? I think not.

What Is The Bottom Line

In the book, Stepping Up’ by Dennis Rainey, he talks about a time where one of their grandchildren died shortly after birth. As I read this chapter in the book, I wept uncontrollably. It was incredibly sad.

The part that touched my heart, as a husband and a man, was how Dennis and the father-in-law of his daughter, stepped-up to action.

They served.

They went and got clothes from their kids’s homes, they arranged meals and picked up other kids. They helped with schedules and held their own wives, the grandmothers, during this sad, sad time. They prayed and held their little grandchild, before death and led praise and worship to Jesus.

This is dating your wife, men. Are you doing this? Are you on your knees daily, asking God to heal you and give you wisdom to serve like this? Do not JUST date your wife. Do more, give your best. Husband-Wife-Love-Marriage-500

Do not buy the book ‘Date Your Wife.’ I did not find it incredibly helpful. Instead get a copy of ‘The Emotionally Healthy Church’ or ‘Stepping Up’ and start the journey to becoming a vessel for God and begin the adventure of serving your wife.

Lastly, leave a comment below tell me what experiences you have with the above. Leave a comment and tell me what you’re doing to serve your wife, sacrifice self and not JUST date your wife.

Written by Dave Scott.  For more of his work, go to

3 Responses to “Do Not Just Date Your Wife.”

  1. jbsisam June 27, 2014 at 10:57 #

    Dave, what a wonderful and powerful blog post. nothing I believe many men fail to realize is, their wives want to be wooed, cherished, loved, cared for. as men it is our call and duty to make sure first that our lives are representing the holiness of Jesus Christ, and then conveyed teach and encourage that in our families.

    anybody can go on a date, but it takes a man who’s willing to dedicate his life to be on his face before God for direction in life and for his family. in a blog I wrote a couple weeks ago I said that marriage is not about you it’s about your partner.

    thank you for your blog post. god bless you and your ministry.

    JB Sisam

  2. jbsisam June 27, 2014 at 11:00 #

    Reblogged this on Official Blog of J. B. Sisam and commented:
    Here is this week’s reblog. Such a powerful post. I pray you’ll be blessed.

    J. B. Sisam

  3. Dave Scott July 1, 2014 at 10:24 #

    Thanks for the compliment, J.B. It means a lot. I feel that as men, there is much more to marriage than just dating. Check out my blog as well, as I have much more content there. Thx again and God Bless.

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