Why do you love me?

16 Sep

As I sit, I wonder why.

Why me? I am smaller than I realize. I am more fragile than I confess. I am weaker than I seem. I am more scared than I appear.  I am more broken than I care to admit.

I am more weakness than strengths.  I am more holes than bucket.  I am more needy than needed.

In light of this, I feel that it is appropriate to ask why.

I used to ask why God are you not using me in a great and mighty way, but now I am wondering why even love me at all?  This is not a question asked in fake humility, but born out of deep soul-searching.

I know the things in life that I love. They are strong. They are helpful. They are beautiful.

I tend to run from other things that don’t fit my criteria. Things that are weak. Things that are needy.  Things that are unlovely.  For an item’s worth is often the basis of love.  I will admit that it is often the basis of my love.  I walk away from things that are too hard… from things that have hurt me… from things that disappoint me.

Romans 5:8So why would you want me? Why do you love me still?

I have walked away. Sometimes unaware of my actions, while at other times they are quite intentional.  In those moments, I feel as if these other pursuits of my affection will give me something – something that I am desperate to find.

I hate to call myself desperate, but it best describes my wild pursuits.

Doesn’t it hurt you when I choose these things over you?  My disloyalty is obvious.  It is not sly or hidden, but abrasive and in-your-face.  Nor are my days of wandering over.  I may be present today, and absent tomorrow.  Even I am confused by the fickleness of my life.

I have disappointed you. I know it. Once so full of passion energy and vibrancy, I would have followed you to the ends of earth. I could have been… but I am not.  I am a living example of “if only,” “but then,” and “except that.”  Often I even surprise myself at who and where I am.

These are the reasons that cause me to wonder why. They are valid.  In view of these things, I am not sure how love could endure.

If you do still love me, and if this type of love does exist, I am not sure that I am not capable of returning it. I am not sure that I will ever be. I am not even sure it is possible.

And if I am not able to return this love in equal proportion back, then once again I ask,

Why?

Romans 5:8

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: