Doubting to the Very End.

6 Jan

When the disciples saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. (Matthew 28:17 NIV)

For three years, I had walked with him.  I saw him feed five thousand.  I witnessed him heal the sick, cast out demons, raise the dead – all of which could not keep the doubt away.

There should be no doubt. There should be no second thoughts.

I heard his voice, felt his touch, and saw him perform the miraculous with my own eyes.  These were not stories handed down through the ages, but my own personal experiences.

Matthew was right.  Some of us doubted.  Even after all we had been through.  My mind was uneasy, and my heart was unsettled.

I hate that I am one of those who doubted. I tried to hide it, but I am sure that Matthew was not the only one who knew.  Jesus knew.  I am not proud of my doubt for it brings embarrassment and shame.  As He addressed us that day, I wanted to fully believe.  My heart and body often waylay the intentions of my mind.

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

© 2013 Jessica Sheridan, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

These were His last words. It was the last time that I would see Him. It was the last time that He would see me. He knew the doubts and darkness that I bore, but He spoke the words anyway.

“Go and make disciples.”

Jesus, how am I supposed to go in the midst of such doubt?  Jesus, I am not ready.  I am not able.

And yet they did. All of them to the point of martyrdom.

So having doubt does not exclude me from fulfilling His command.  The disciples’ doubt did not determine their direction, but was a part of their journey.

I am glad to hear that because it has always been apart of mine.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources and encouragement to emerging adults and their parents.

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