Engagement is Awkward.

26 Feb

Genesis 2:24 says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  Marriage is the process where two become one, but this doesn’t magically happen with the words, “I do.”  The marriage relationship is a process that begins during engagement (The Purpose of Engagement).

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2015. http://www.aaronrobertphotography.com

One emerging adult described engagement as awkward because “we were ‘almost, but not yet.’  For example, his family was almost my family but not yet.  His body was almost my body but not yet.  His money was almost my money but not yet. It was hard to navigate all these changes.”  A healthy engagement is not simply filled with romantic moments of rose petals, but with awkward moments where two individuals are working towards becoming one.

Here are a few thoughts to encourage you as you navigate this awkward transition in life.

Renegotiate Boundaries.

Whether discussing physical, financial, or emotional boundaries, it is important to maintain healthy boundaries in your relationship (Read More Here.).  Marriage is not the removal of boundaries, but choosing healthy personal boundaries that benefits the couple and glorifies God.  Even after years of marriage, couples still need personal space and set boundaries.  Engagement is a time when boundaries are changing which should lead to times of renegotiation.

Work Together.

Whether discussing changing boundaries or planning your wedding ceremony, you are beginning to work together.  Your communication, negotiation, and conflict resolution skills will be strengthened.  When one (or both partners) avoids conflict by stuffing your thoughts and feelings, it only causes frustration and stifle the growth of your relationship.

Seek Awkward Moments.

If everything about your dating life and engagement is magical and ‘fairy tale-ish’, then a painful collision with reality is in your future.  Fairy tales are made of perfect people with perfect endings.  While Hollywood with its movie stars and sets create “romantic” moments, authenticity and intimacy breed awkward moments.  During your engagement, ask tough questions.  If you and your fiancé are unable to see your relational trouble spots, then find a reliable counselor who can help you look ahead.

Love that lasts a lifetime is not made from a perfect match, but is created when you choose to love your partner in their awkwardness, and find intimacy in the awkward moments that life brings. 

What are your thoughts about engagement?

Christmas 2012Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is thankful for all that he has learned about love and life from Rachel.  Their days are filled with many awkward, and yet beautiful moments.

One Response to “Engagement is Awkward.”

  1. Melinda K Taylor February 26, 2015 at 11:01 #

    Yes, engagements are awkward but it needs to be. people are to caught up in thinking of the fairy tale marriages, that are not based in reality. Engagement is a time observe one another in different situations, particularly how he or she treats their parents or siblings, how they handle situations in their lives, money, and habits. Realize these will not change after you are married.

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