Archive by Author

Why Traditional Manhood Is Killing Us – Article from The Huffington Post

21 Jul

by Mark Greene, blogger at The Good Men Project


Enforcing traditional manhood as the only acceptable path for men is called living in the Man Box. Charlie Glickman does a great job of explaining the Man Box here.

The rules of the Man Box go something like this:

  1. Real men don’t show their emotions (anger, yes, but little else).
  2. Real men are always confident. They make all the decisions.
  3. Real men are providers not caregivers.
  4. Real men are heterosexual and sexually dominant.
  5. Real men continuously talk and play sports.
  6. Real men are never handicapped, disabled or unemployed.

And so on. Whatever else they are, “real men” never do anything that might appear as feminine. And that’s the biggest tragedy of all.

Click HERE to read full story via Huffington Post.

21 Sentences NOT to Say to a Sexual Abuse Survivor

12 Jul

men-887501_1280Author, blogger, and speaker Mary DeMuth recently released a helpful, practical guide for ministering to individuals affected by sexual abuse. The title: 21 sentences not to say to a sexual abuse survivor.

Many of us have friends who have experienced sexual abuse to one extent or another. It’s talked about in the news media. It’s carried around in the hearts of women and men at our churches, schools, and workplaces. Yet, when it comes up? We don’t know what to say. So, all too often, we say things that — while well-intentioned — might be hurtful.

“My intention in writing these,” writes DeMuth, “is not to shame those who want to help, or make them walk on eggshells. Instead it’s to help friends and family members of victims best love and understand the sexual abuse recovery journey.”

In order to better help and not hurt others, we hope you’ll check out the article.

Click HERE to read the 21 Sentences compiled by Mary DeMuth

What do you think? Is there anything you would add? How could you use this awareness (and NOT use these sentences!) in your day-to-day life?

When Church Hurts

7 Jul

This story was written by Julia Powers, our new blog manager here at EA Resources, and was originally published by the blog of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA. Julia has written in this story, as well as at her own blog, about the issue of Post-Traumatic Church Disorder (PTCD), which we have been discussing here in recent months.

church_pew.resizedSeveral years ago, I didn’t want to go to church ever again. Yet several weeks ago, I started an internship at a church. I can’t help but wonder: How on earth can a person go from wounded by church to working at a church?

Leaving Jesus?

When I was 16, a few well-liked pastors at my church—including my youth pastor—were very suddenly and mysteriously laid off. The abrupt leadership changes, accompanied by changes in worship and preaching styles, led many families to leave the church en masse. A sense of shock set in for many of us youth as a veritable spiritual safe haven was pulled out from under our already-wary adolescent feet.

The biggest issue, though, was lies from leaders. Church leaders denied problems and discouraged questions, reminding us to “respect our elders.” They started threatening individuals not to leave, even informing me that “Jesus has a plan for this church, so if you leave you’re leaving Jesus.”

Guess I’m leaving Jesus, I thought.

But leaving Jesus, it turns out, isn’t that simple. Because Jesus is the very embodiment of truth, he is able to speak more powerfully than lies, threats, or any other church hurts we experience. “If you continue in my word,” he says in John 8:31-32, “you are truly my disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

Click HERE to continue reading.

In short, the path Julia describes for moving forward when church hurts:

  1. Remaining a disciple of Jesus Christ to the best of your ability through prayer, Bible study, service to others, and sharing life with others — whether or not that looks like being a member of any particular church.
  2. Regaining trust in churchgoers and church leaders through one-on-one or small group meetings, conversations, counseling, or whatever works for you.
  3. Returning to church at your own pace, allowing yourself hearty doses of discernment, patience, and hope.

“A Shrink and a Pastor Walk Into a Bar”: A Church’s Conversation on Mental Health

5 Jul

13442682_10206164233134420_6170693830157814465_oThroughout the month of June, one Dallas church was spending each Monday evening having important conversations in a local bar. The annual event, Theology Live, featured a challenging topic this year: God and our bodies, including discussions on infertility and adoption, the meaning of life, mental health, and death.

While each of those topics need to be talked about more, including in the church, let’s take a particular look at this church’s discussion of mental health — a topic that men, perhaps even more so than women, struggle to talk about openly.

Click HERE to listen to full audio of the talk “A Shrink and a Pastor Walk Into a Bar” or full audio of the Q&A session.

A few practical takeaways from the Q&A session:

Q: How do I support a family member who struggles with an addiction or other behavioral health issue?

Dr. Lee Spencer, psychiatrist: “To make meaningful change, they have to want to change a little bit. They’ve gotta at least see some consequences that are outweighing the benefits of [their behavior].” “With family members, pointing them in ways, in directions of people that can help is often the most important piece. But to get there, you gotta have them at least willing to accept the fact that what they’re doing is not in their best interest.”

Q: “What’s the difference between empathy, sympathy, and compassion?”

Ryan Waller, pastor: Sympathy says, “I’m sorry you’re experiencing that.” Empathy says “I’m gonna put myself in your shoes and try to see the world as you see it.” Compassion says “I’m gonna feel sympathetic, feel empathetic, and do something about it. And compassion is what I feel like Christianity calls us to do.”

Closing remarks: “The reason we wanted to talk about this is to remind everyone that there’s deep, deep hope. If  you are anxious or you are depressed I can say to you, as an individual, that I’m a person who has experienced some of that and has also experienced an incredible growth and healing. I think through the power of Jesus Christ there’s nothing that can’t be redeemed. So, I hope you feel hopeful. I hope you feel filled with life. And I thank you for being here.”   

The Realities of Media Addiction – Article from The Washington Post

23 Jun

By Hayley Tsukayama, reporter at The Washington Post

It was group discussion time at reSTART, a woodsy rehabilitation center about 30 miles outside Seattle. Four residents sat around the living room and talked about their struggles with addiction, anxiously drumming their fingers on their legs and fidgeting with their shoelaces. One young man described dropping out of college to seek treatment for the crippling problem that brought them all here: compulsive Internet use.

Click HERE to read full story at The Washington Post.

A few of our observations from the article:

  • A recent study by Common Sense Media, a parent advocacy group, found that 59 percent of parents think their teens are addicted to mobile devices. Meanwhile, 50 percent of teenagers feel the same way. The study surveyed nearly 1,300 parents and children this year.
  • In the United States, there is no definition of Internet addiction. It is not recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which sets the official standards for disorders in the United States. A draft definition covering video-game addiction is included in an appendix for further research review, but there is no entry for general tech use.
  • Other countries, however, do officially recognize some forms of Internet addiction as serious conditions. In South Korea, Internet addiction has a formal definition; there, students are diagnosed and sent to government treatment centers.

See for yourself and let us know what you think! How does Internet use (or perhaps over-use) affect you and your family? Should technology use be treated as other addictions?

A Daughter’s Ode to Fathers

21 Jun

By Julia Powers, blog manager at EA Resources

FullSizeRender (1)I didn’t really realize my father’s role in my life until I was at least 22. (Sorry it took so long, Dad!) It was so everyday, so simple oftentimes, that I took it for granted. But, the everyday things matter because it’s the everyday things that mean that, all tolled, I was and am cared for every day.  

Growing up, Dad would let me play at putting plastic hair clips in his hair — even though he didn’t even have a whole lot of hair to speak of.

Dad could rip off Band-Aids just right and make the world’s best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

He would take me to the library on Saturdays and go get lost in the basement while I got lost in the children’s section.

Click HERE to read full post via Julia Powers Blog.

7 Lessons for New Fathers: Do It Anyway

16 Jun

By Ryan Casey Waller, pastor at Church of the Incarnation

Here are seven lessons for new fathers. What do you think? What would you add?

img_08171. IT’S OK TO BE SCARED.
I was terrified when my son was born. Overjoyed? You bet. But also terrified. I was thirty, in a loving, stable marriage, employed, and scared out of my bloody mind. Who’s actually ready to be a father? Nobody. So stand up, take a deep breath, and get ready to become the man you’ve always hoped you could be. You’re not ready. Do it anyway.

Yes, it’s gross. Yes, it’s hard in the dark. Yes, you’ll be terrible at it. Do it anyway. Wiping a baby will forever change the way you experience love. Something magical happens when we use our hands to love. I can’t explain it. You just have to do it. You’ll never regret it. Well, actually, you might regret some of them. Do it anyway.
Your wife will threaten to kill you if you wake the baby. And sometimes, you will. And she will try to kill you. Do it anyway. There is no view on earth like the one from above the crib at night. If you want a sneak peak of the Good Lord’s shore this side of a heart attack, watch your baby sleep. Then slip your finger in his hand, and try not to lose it when the warmth of his palm becomes the only thing in the world.

Click HERE to read full post via Ryan Casey Waller.


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