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Gifts for Father’s Day

2 May

Do you have trouble buying something for that special man in your life?

  • Does he seem to have everything that he needs?
  • If you ask him what he wants, does he stare as if you are speaking a foreign language?
  • If you pick it out, does it lay in the closet, or get returned?
  • Are you tired of buying tools and duct tape?

Here are some ideas to help you make this Father’s Day Amazing.

1.  Personalized Gifts – Rather than run to Walmart the day before – a gift that is unique to your family member is always a win whether it is a keychain or ring.  Here is a company that I would recommend for a personalized gift.  Or consider a personalized sign – from here.The Madison

2.  Create a moment.  A gift that would create a memory with the family, or relive a memory from their past.  What does the man in your life love to do, and how could you give him a  reason to do something he loves?  Maybe it is a trip to the shooting range for your hunter, or scheduling a Star Wars marathon party for that Nerd that you love.  What is unique to them which could create a memory? 

3.  Reflect on Love.  Take a moment to reflect individually or together on an aspect of your relationship.  This could be through a well-written card, or a walk around the block.  Some men love the public praise given on social media like Facebook or a Tweet, while others prefer a private expression of love.  As a father of three active boys, it is truly a gift when my wife works with them to plan a meaningful expression of love.    

picture with boys4.  Celebrate his Fatherhood.  A gift that helps the man of your life focus on the laughter and love he has with his children.  Children can be stressful, and sometimes dads need some assistance in planning times of relaxation and fun with their kids. Each dad is different, so whether it is throwing a ball with your son, or building a Lego set – what is something that celebrates his particular strengths as a father.

Becoming a good gift giver does take some work including reflecting on the person receiving the gift and discerning what would bring them joy. 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is the father of three boys, and a beautiful wife.

Drew Dyck on Depression and Anxiety

18 Apr

Drew Dyck is an acquisitions editor at Moody Publishers and a senior editor at CTPastors.com.  Drew Dyck is the author of Generation Ex-Christian (of which I am a fan).  In this article, Drew writes about his journey through anxiety and depression.

I have had my own struggle with depression – due to PTCD (Post-Traumatic Church Disorder).  So I know the destruction it can bring.  I hope this article will be an encouragement to you.

Three months ago I took my last antidepressant.

Well, it was more like a sliver of an antidepressant, a pink little tab cracked off from a larger one. I had been weaning off Paroxetine (the generic form of Paxil) for a month, taking increasingly small doses—25mg, 20mg, 15mg, 10mg …

Here is the rest of the article.

Christmas Gift Ideas for your Wife that reflect your Common Faith.

22 Dec

© 2008 Jennifer C., Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Christmas is around the corner, and I wanted to give my readers a few gift ideas for this season.

This year the gifts must have a connection to the concept of Christian faith.  I hope that they help spur you towards remembering your spouse this Christmas.

1.  Pinterest is a wealth of nice products (I am proud to admit that it took me four times to spell that word.)  Here is one site that focused on Christian Gifts for women.  I don’t have an account, and they blackened half the screen because I didn’t sign-up for an account, but it is worth going to see even if you only see a small section of screen.

2.  My sister-in-law runs a personalized jewelry store called, “Tag… You’re It!”  Here is their facebook page.  They are currently closed for new orders (because they are so busy!), but look through their site and make an order for Valentines Day, or some other event.

3.  Give a goat (in her name).   While I don’t think this is the only thing you should have under the tree, you can truly donate a goat to a needy family overseas through World Vision.  Here is the website if you think this idea is not-so- baaaaahhhd.

4.  Attend a Christian Marriage Conference or Begin Counseling.  I know that many women would be completely satisfied with this gift.  A marriage conference or counseling can turn a rocky marriage around, or turn a good marriage to great.  Do an internet search for something in your area.

5.  If you like a gift for her that is really about you, then you might like this shirt.  This website had several other Christian t-shirts that you might like.

I heard this week from several co-workers that they didn’t really care what they got as long as they could tell that their husband put some thought into the gift.  So start thinking, and don’t rely on last-minute shopping at Walmart.

And above all…

Have a Merry Christmas!

 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the founder and managing director of EA Resources.  He is proud to admit that he is already done with his Christmas shopping.

 

 

So this is my 40.

6 Dec

So this is my 40.

My reflection on turning 40, has come a little late.  Part of the delay is that I have had a few big issues to wrestle with in the last couple of years (including a career shift, an interstate move, a severely ill spouse, and a crisis of faith.  

Actually my reflection is really late as I am now 41.  I probably would have let it totally pass, but endless requests for letters for friends reaching this same milestone- have completely forced me to reflect on reaching the top of the hill, and I am apparently on my decent.  

So this is my 40.

I still remember the day that I knew I was old.  I was driving to work and was happily enjoying public radio.  As if this recognition wasn’t enough, a glance in the rear view mirror revealed to me that there were now specks of white growing from my chin.  

So this is my 40.

White specks and public radio.  

Oh there is a lot more to this phase of life.  There is my growing waistline, my entrenchment in older fashion (Who is glad that plaid is back?), my befuddlement regarding current fashion, and the failing of certain faculties including memory, hearing, and vision.  

So this is my 40.  

My body is not the only thing that has changed.  

Dreams.  Some dreams have been checked off – Others remain unfinished.  While I may have missed the boat for some ambitions, others I intentionally sunk.

Position.  While many have only seen and known me as a leader, I am not in a place of power.  I am not near people of power.  I actually tend to run from them especially if they tote religious authority.

Placement.  My road map has been frequently updated and my compass at times appears broken.  I never expected to obtain a doctorate that would remain dormant.  I never expected to start a new career in an entry level position at this phase of life.  

So this is my 40.

picture with boysFamily.  I have changed due to the arrival of one, then two, then a third  beautiful boy who resemble me in almost every possible way.  My years pass quicker now that I focus on the changes within them, and celebrating their development.

God has blessed me with a wife who has been faithful by my side  walking on mountain tops and in the valley.

So this is my 40.

Faith.  I was a pillar of spirituality for so many.  A servant of the church who would have done anything for his spiritual leaders.  Unfortunately, that misdirected devotion caused me to sacrifice the emotional and spiritual health of my family and my own soul for the sake of an institution.  

Spiritual abuse that forced me to change friends, locations, and careers.  As a young man, I had never experience pain.  Now, I daily wonder whether my dark night of the soul will end.  

So this is my 40.

Am I disillusioned?  Most certainly.  

Am I suffering a midlife crisis?  Possibly.  

This is my 40.  

I am not the same person. 

While growing up, I missed a fundamental point about adulthood.  

You continue to change.  

Adulthood is not a threshold you cross and enter fully completed.  It is not a plaque earned that gets posted on the wall.  It is not the final hoop that ends the race.  

I somehow missed the fact that adulthood is not the ending but  the beginning.  Adulthood is not the end of development, but simply leads to more change.  I felt adulthood would mean – No more changing.  No more reflecting.  No more wrestling- over who I am or what I want to be.  

But I am so different than I was at 20.  I am much different that who I was at 30.  I am beginning to see that I will not be the same person at 50. 

Life changes you.  

So this is my forty.  

My dear friends from the past, they do not know who I am today because I am different.   They are different too- this is probably why “friends are friends forever” may have rocked our graduation ceremonies in the 90’s, but these relationships failed to last even in a world filled with digital communication. 

So this is my 40.

I have changed, and you have changed.  The world around us has changed.  

So this is my 40. 

My life is strangely beautiful.  At times it is painfully peaceful.  It is better than I imagined and harder than I dreamed.  

But I am here, and I have discovered that I am not alone.  

God is here.  And those whom I love are near.  So whether the future brings me one day, one year, or 40 years, I am hopeful and expectant.

David - Prof 2Dr. G. David Boyd is the managing director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to engage emerging adults. He is also the founder of the EA Network, a community of people who serve and love emerging adults.

Do we still believe in rape?

6 Sep

This news story has made me ask the question, “Do we still believe in rape?”

An 18-year-old accused of sexually assaulting two high school classmates is facing two years of probation despite the district attorney’s office’s recommendation of two years in prison.

PHOTO: Pictured is David Becker, 18, of East Longmeadow, Massachusetts.David Becker, of East Longmeadow, Massachusetts, was charged with two counts of rape and one count of indecent assault and battery, according to court documents, after an April 2 incident in which he was accused of digitally penetrating two girls who were sleeping in a bed after a house party. Becker and the alleged victims, who are not being identified, were all seniors.

You can read the rest of the article here!

Image result for brock turnerI hope that our nation still believes in rape.  Several high profile rape cases among young adults have received alarmingly light sentences.  A Stanford University student named Brock Turner received a six month sentence for what his father described as “twenty minutes of action” when he rapped an unconscious woman.

In David Becker’s case, the judge stated that “The goal of this sentence was not to impede this individual from graduating high school and to go onto the next step of his life, which is a college experience.”  The judge’s statement makes the assumption that all emerging adults go to college, and that college is an inherent right to young adults.

But the judge also believes that this sex offender has the right to a “normal” life.

I do believe in forgiveness and restoration.  However, I also believe in the importance of personal autonomy – which is the ability to make decisions and deal with the consequences.

Whatever lies ahead in this young man’s future (and I do hope it includes forgiveness and restoration), I do not imagine that this young man’s future will remain unaffected by his crime.  In spite of his light sentence, the social and psychological affects to his crimes will follow him for many years.

As I reflect on the judge’s assumptions and perspective, I see another viewpoint.

I am wondering about the victims.  Do his victims have the right to a “normal” life?  How will these events affect their college experience?

I am wondering about the growing number of victims from sexual crimes that fill our schools, homes, and churches.  I wonder if their stories are slowly being altered.  I wonder if their cries are being muffled.  I wonder if their wounds are bleeding anew.

I hope that our society can still see the benefit of morality.  In a world where sexual bondage is presented as appropriate (50 Shades of Gray) and where we promote and glorify the connection between sex and power, I hope we can find the God-ordained purpose of sex.

I hope that in this darkness, we can remove sex from the obsession it has become in our society and realize that sex will never fulfill us.

I hope that we still believe in rape.

 

David - Prof 2Dr. G. David Boyd is the manager of EA Resources, and the Founder of the EA Network, a network for those who minister to emerging adults.

 

 

 

Pinned but not down.

9 Aug

© 2012 David Hunt, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

When he was eleven, my son decided to try out for the wrestling team.  We got the gear, and showed up for practice.  Now you need to understand that this wasn’t just any program, but this was the club team for Apple Valley, Minnesota.  Apple Valley is a team that has won national championships.  People move across the nation to be a part of this program.

It is intense to say the least.

As practice began, the boys were sent running and running, then crawling, then skipping around the gym.  I was exhausted just by watching.

Then they began to pair off for wrestling.  My son saw a friend and the two of them ran off to their mat.  I tried not to watch the entire night, but when I did catch his eye, I knew that it was not going so well.  When the coach called the practice, he could barely stand, but he had not given up.

He approached me with a smile and said, “3 wins, and 23 losses.”  While I hope that not every night at practice is that difficult, I do know that as I see him struggle, he will not be the same.

The tenacity and strength that he showed that night on the mat is what I need.  When problems weigh me down, when pain has a hold, when I am disoriented from the struggle.  I will not lose heart, but I will smile and rise again.

I feel this may have been how the Apostle Paul felt when he wrote these words…

We are pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.… (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

David - Prof 2May you find faith in the difficult places of life.  May you know that your weakness will be replenished by His strength.  May you rise from the mat again ready to face a new challenge.

Dr. G. David Boyd is Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to educate parents and churches about emerging adulthood.  He is also the Founder of the EA Network, a networking community for those who minister to emerging adults.

 

Be Not Afraid – A word to those hurt by the church

26 Jul

This article is part of a series that I have written on PTCD called Post Traumatic Church Disorder.  If you want to read the series, please search on the site using the abbreviation – PTCD.

 

This is the most repeated commandment in the Bible.  It was spoken to Joshua as he was about to enter the promise land.  It was spoken by the angel to Mary as God’s plan was revealed to her.  It was spoken to the disciples in the midst of the storm.

A commandment that we as frail humans need to hear.  Maybe because a relationship with God is built upon faith, and fractured by fear.

FEAR from Flickr via Wylio

© 2011 amboo who?, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Fear has always come between humans and God.

It was fear that drove Adam and Eve to hide in the garden.  It was fear that caused the disciples to scatter.  It is fear that drives us to endless diversions to escape the reality of our world.

When it comes to PTCD, we are frozen by fear.  We fear those who claim spiritual authority.  We fear the Bible because of how it had been used against us.  We fear anything that reflects our past trauma as it may subject us to flashbacks that return us to our place of abuse.

God commands us to not fear.  Fear is instinctual when faced with the unknown. 

As a child, I awoke from a late afternoon nap to find myself alone in a dark house.  Muffled voices emerged from somewhere outside the house.  A fire blazed in the darkness.  I became afraid, and did what any normal child would do.

I grabbed a flyswatter and ran to the front porch.  (Okay, so maybe I wasn’t quite normal.)

Once there, I huddled down in the darkness waiting for something to happen.  Something bad.  Apparently something – that I could overcome with my tightly-gripped flyswatter.

In my fear, I didn’t see any other options.

I could have turned on some lights.  I could have pushed away fear to realize that the spooky house was still my home.  I could have overcome my emotions to realize that the voices were strangely familiar.

In the midst of your fear, there are other options.

You may not see them.  You may need someone to see them for you.  You may need someone to talk you through them.  You may need someone to hold your hand.

Faith from Flickr via Wylio

© 2012 Eric Eberhard, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

These options require faith.

In the darkness, I can reach for a light.  In my panic, I may recognize the voice.  In my isolation, I can find those who care.  I can exchange my frozen fetal position into a bold, running embrace.

For this is the life of faith.

Be Strong and Courage.  Do Not Be Afraid for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you will go.                                                                                                                                                  Joshua 1:9

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