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Premature Intimacy

9 Feb

 

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Copyright by Aaron Roberts Photography 2016

 

I believe in purity. I believe in purity rings. I believe in setting physical boundaries in relationships in order to keep from hurting ourselves and others. This is something that is often taught, lectured, and discussed in Christian circles. However, I think we are missing something. Something BIG.

Physical intimacy is something to be shared only within the boundaries of marriage. God created a special connection called marriage for a man and a woman to enjoy sex and physical intimacy.

However, after years of working with students, I have discovered that there are many students who while keeping their bodies pure, have crossed over boundaries in other areas that I believe should be reserved for God’s design of marriage.

Is physical intimacy the only intimacy a man and woman can experience? As humans, we know that there are several types of intimacy that two humans can enjoy including emotional, spiritual, and physical. I believe that God desires to keep us pure until marriage in every aspect of our lives. I believe that intimacy in all areas should be reserved for marriage.

(While I am not usually into dissecting human relationships into different aspects, please be patient as you will quickly see my point without a drawn-out explanation of each area, or a need for distinct lines. I usually run from books that dissect relationships into a new way just to sell books. However, because of the Purity Movement, and its focus on the physical intimacy of teens, I felt this needed to be written.)

There should be boundaries in various areas of our lives that keep Christians from becoming intimate too quickly. Christians should be careful so that they do not cross the line of “two becoming one” before they enter into marriage.

For example, many young adults are surprised to hear that I do not encourage them to share their devotional lives. I do believe that guys and girls can and should pray together, but regular times of deep prayer/ bible study as a couple can cause premature spiritual intimacy. Your spiritual health becomes dependent on the other person, and so when the relationship is broken, you are left to pick up the pieces of your walk with Christ. Students should regularly talk about their spiritual lives, but boundaries should exist.

This is also true when it comes to emotional intimacy. Both guys and girls bear their entire hearts in a relationship, and then feel emotionally vulnerable after the relationship is over. No wonder they feel uncomfortable after the break-up and can no longer be friends. A boundary has been crossed.

I have worked with too many guys and girls who have not kept boundaries in their lives, and so with each broken relationship they wound their heart. These wounds turn into scars, and scars lead to calluses. A calloused heart can hurt a marriage even before it begins, so let’s guard ourselves from premature intimacy.

I am not saying that dating or relationships are evil. I simply want students to retain intimacy for the day that they walk down the aisle.

What are your thoughts and experiences? What do you think are some good boundaries to put up in a dating relationship?

Other Posts on Love and Dating:

David - Prof 2Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

 

 

Will Marriage become Extinct?

31 Jan

Marriage between man and woman today “is becoming extinct.”

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Copyright 2016 Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography LLC

That was the view shared by Jennifer Murff of Millennials for Marriage at a recent speech to an audience of young people from various countries who attended a conference promoting marriage and families in Beverly, Massachusetts, CBN News reported.

Here is the rest of the article from Christianity Today.

My Favorite Line –

The problem is that instead of trying to reach a compromise with the young people, the older generations tend to shun them, especially since these millennials are now more often accepting of gay marriage, premarital sex and even abortion—things that are non-negotiable for many adult churchgoers.When reading statements like this, it reminds us that today’s church is desperately in need of Generational Mediators.

Marriage statistics are clearly changing – due to various reasons including:  the availability of birth control, rise of cohabitation, and the lessening of sexual taboos.  Regardless of what you believe on these issues, this trend should affect our churches and how we approach, evangelize, and disciple the next generation.

While I don’t believe that marriage will become extinct, the question among Millennials is no longer, “When do we get married?”, but “Why get married at all?”

After a little searching, I did find an interesting read on this topic.

Does my Manhood depend upon Moving Out?

12 Jan

According to research, “40% of 18 to 34 year olds are living at home with one parent or both.  Looking at the younger, 18-to 24 year-old group, more than half have moved back home, at least for a time, in the past few years- or never moved out.  Ther percentage is about the same for men and women.  (Arnett, Getting them to 30, 109)front door

In a society where more emerging adults are living at home, adulthood cannot be based upon markers such as living independently, but upon the deeper Biblical principles of Vocation, Autonomy, and Community.

While living at home still carries a negative stigma in many social circles, living at home is not always a negative experience – for the child or the parent.  “Almost 70% of young people 18-34 who are living at home with their parents say they are very satisfied with family life.”  (Arnett, 110)

In this video, the speaker makes several points to illustrate the difference between someone who lives with parents as an adult versus someone who lives at home with an immature perspective.

Here is a link to the full video.

The video states that those who live at home as a Child…

  • treat the home as a hotel.
  • are frivolous spenders.
  • always have something to prove.

Those who live at home as an Adult…

  • always contribute.
  • are not afraid to serve parents and siblings.
  • respect their parents wishes and home.

While the fact that you are living with your parents does not make you a child, how you act while living at home does indicate your maturity.

One of the first points made in the video is that there are several healthy reasons why children choose to live with their parents (including finances and physical health).  While the predominant western mindset values living independently, many cultures have always valued communal living for extended families.

So are you living at home like an Adult or a Child?

Other Links:

Navigating the Friend Zone by Stephen Simpson

24 Nov

Let’s just be friends

A sexlove_friendzoneman looking for love dreads no four words in the English language more. The thing that drives me crazy is that a lot of people don’t understand why. Continue reading

Pursue Her

19 Nov

  Here is a funny video about Pursing a Relationship with a woman in a healthy way!

Pursue her - video

Click Here!

Fighting America’s Newest Addiction – PORN

30 Jun

I came across a great website this week that I wanted to share with all of you.  As I have traveled around speaking, I frequently get asked, “What can we do to battle pornography?”  It is asked by fathers with bowed heads.  It is asked by grandfathers with a steady gaze.  It is asked by sons with eyes full of hope.

Christianity has regularly promoted the negative affects of pornography upon individuals, families, and our society. This message has recently gained new momentum from some unlikely sources including Russell Brand.

While not faith-based, this website is full of resources for those who are battling this addiction, or ministering to those affected by it.

Here is the video that I watched.

May God grant your victory today in your pursuit of purity.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to understand the needs of emerging adults.

 

 

 

3 Ways the Church Can Stop Treating Singles Like a Problem to be Solved

21 May

3 Ways the Church Can Stop Treating Singles Like a Problem to be Solved

Talking about singles and the church is usually awkward, sometimes controversial, and is frequently an open-ended discussion. In other words, there are thousands of opinions about how best to encourage singles who are actively involved in a local church, but not every opinion is equally helpful.  Continue reading

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