More Than A Beard

My freshman year in high school, I ended up with a late lunch period with mostly upperclassmen I didn’t know. I clearly remember walking down into the cafeteria unsure and fearful about where I should sit. I tried eating with a few freshmen I didn’t know and then with some sophomores I barely knew. In both cases, I felt unwanted, like an intruder. So for the next few days, I tried another tactic: I sat by myself at an empty table. It took care of my social anxiety, but now I felt shame at being perceived as a complete misfit, provoking only more anxiety. So I made a crucial decision: I quit going to the lunchroom and ate lunch by myself in the locker room. Sure, I was lonely, but I wasn’t anxious anymore.

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