Tag Archives: Christianity

Dad as Protector

10 Jan

Christmas 2012When Josiah was born, I remember the first time that I took him in my arms. I carried him like a fragile flower. I didn’t want to put him down, but felt as if he was safest in my arms. There he was protected, and I never wanted to let go. The years have passed, and Josiah barely fits in my arms. Even if he did, his energy level doesn’t allow him to slow down. Josiah spends his days running here and there, trying to keep himself occupied.

Today, in the middle of a friend’s birthday party, he fell and broke his arm. I was not there to catch him, save him, protect him. I wish I had been there, and kept him from the pain and suffering.

As I sat in the emergency room, the what ifs invaded my mind bringing with them feelings of sorrow and frustration. Why did it have to be him? Since birth, my son has had a broken leg, a broken finger, and two other broken bones.

It is not fair. It is not fair to him, and definitely not fair to me.

So why?

In that moment, I remembered that God is in control and not me. God has a plan for my little boy, and I need to accept that His plan includes a broken arm. I may not like it, or want it, but I have to live with it. His plan for Josiah may bring me to tears, or anger. However, there comes a point when I need to stop fighting, whining, and crying, and step forward in faith. A faith in God’s love. A trust in His care. A Hope that He will see my little boy through.

As I sat in the x-ray room, I took my first step – a step to trust that God has a plan. I braced myself as they put my little guy under, and prepared to set his arm. Tears rolled down my checks as I embraced that even pain can come from the hand of the Father. The lab tech, worrying that I was about to faint, asked me if I needed a chair. I sat down, and begin to feel relief. I am not sure if it was from the chair or the freedom that accompanies faith.

Today it was a broken arm. Tomorrow it will be a broken heart. Many things, good and bad, will come upon my little boy. Some that I like, and many that I won’t.

My arms can’t keep him safe forever, because God didn’t design us merely for protecting our children. Instead, God designed me for trusting – a concept that I find much more difficult.

Doubting to the Very End.

6 Jan

When the disciples saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. (Matthew 28:17 NIV)

For three years, I had walked with him.  I saw him feed five thousand.  I witnessed him heal the sick, cast out demons, raise the dead – all of which could not keep the doubt away.

There should be no doubt. There should be no second thoughts.

I heard his voice, felt his touch, and saw him perform the miraculous with my own eyes.  These were not stories handed down through the ages, but my own personal experiences.

Matthew was right.  Some of us doubted.  Even after all we had been through.  My mind was uneasy, and my heart was unsettled.

I hate that I am one of those who doubted. I tried to hide it, but I am sure that Matthew was not the only one who knew.  Jesus knew.  I am not proud of my doubt for it brings embarrassment and shame.  As He addressed us that day, I wanted to fully believe.  My heart and body often waylay the intentions of my mind.

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

© 2013 Jessica Sheridan, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

These were His last words. It was the last time that I would see Him. It was the last time that He would see me. He knew the doubts and darkness that I bore, but He spoke the words anyway.

“Go and make disciples.”

Jesus, how am I supposed to go in the midst of such doubt?  Jesus, I am not ready.  I am not able.

And yet they did. All of them to the point of martyrdom.

So having doubt does not exclude me from fulfilling His command.  The disciples’ doubt did not determine their direction, but was a part of their journey.

I am glad to hear that because it has always been apart of mine.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources and encouragement to emerging adults and their parents.

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