Tag Archives: Love

Premature Intimacy

9 Feb



Copyright by Aaron Roberts Photography 2016


I believe in purity. I believe in purity rings. I believe in setting physical boundaries in relationships in order to keep from hurting ourselves and others. This is something that is often taught, lectured, and discussed in Christian circles. However, I think we are missing something. Something BIG.

Physical intimacy is something to be shared only within the boundaries of marriage. God created a special connection called marriage for a man and a woman to enjoy sex and physical intimacy.

However, after years of working with students, I have discovered that there are many students who while keeping their bodies pure, have crossed over boundaries in other areas that I believe should be reserved for God’s design of marriage.

Is physical intimacy the only intimacy a man and woman can experience? As humans, we know that there are several types of intimacy that two humans can enjoy including emotional, spiritual, and physical. I believe that God desires to keep us pure until marriage in every aspect of our lives. I believe that intimacy in all areas should be reserved for marriage.

(While I am not usually into dissecting human relationships into different aspects, please be patient as you will quickly see my point without a drawn-out explanation of each area, or a need for distinct lines. I usually run from books that dissect relationships into a new way just to sell books. However, because of the Purity Movement, and its focus on the physical intimacy of teens, I felt this needed to be written.)

There should be boundaries in various areas of our lives that keep Christians from becoming intimate too quickly. Christians should be careful so that they do not cross the line of “two becoming one” before they enter into marriage.

For example, many young adults are surprised to hear that I do not encourage them to share their devotional lives. I do believe that guys and girls can and should pray together, but regular times of deep prayer/ bible study as a couple can cause premature spiritual intimacy. Your spiritual health becomes dependent on the other person, and so when the relationship is broken, you are left to pick up the pieces of your walk with Christ. Students should regularly talk about their spiritual lives, but boundaries should exist.

This is also true when it comes to emotional intimacy. Both guys and girls bear their entire hearts in a relationship, and then feel emotionally vulnerable after the relationship is over. No wonder they feel uncomfortable after the break-up and can no longer be friends. A boundary has been crossed.

I have worked with too many guys and girls who have not kept boundaries in their lives, and so with each broken relationship they wound their heart. These wounds turn into scars, and scars lead to calluses. A calloused heart can hurt a marriage even before it begins, so let’s guard ourselves from premature intimacy.

I am not saying that dating or relationships are evil. I simply want students to retain intimacy for the day that they walk down the aisle.

What are your thoughts and experiences? What do you think are some good boundaries to put up in a dating relationship?

Other Posts on Love and Dating:

David - Prof 2Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.



7 Lessons for New Fathers: Do It Anyway

16 Jun

By Ryan Casey Waller, pastor at Church of the Incarnation

Here are seven lessons for new fathers. What do you think? What would you add?

img_08171. IT’S OK TO BE SCARED.
I was terrified when my son was born. Overjoyed? You bet. But also terrified. I was thirty, in a loving, stable marriage, employed, and scared out of my bloody mind. Who’s actually ready to be a father? Nobody. So stand up, take a deep breath, and get ready to become the man you’ve always hoped you could be. You’re not ready. Do it anyway.

Yes, it’s gross. Yes, it’s hard in the dark. Yes, you’ll be terrible at it. Do it anyway. Wiping a baby will forever change the way you experience love. Something magical happens when we use our hands to love. I can’t explain it. You just have to do it. You’ll never regret it. Well, actually, you might regret some of them. Do it anyway.
Your wife will threaten to kill you if you wake the baby. And sometimes, you will. And she will try to kill you. Do it anyway. There is no view on earth like the one from above the crib at night. If you want a sneak peak of the Good Lord’s shore this side of a heart attack, watch your baby sleep. Then slip your finger in his hand, and try not to lose it when the warmth of his palm becomes the only thing in the world.

Click HERE to read full post via Ryan Casey Waller.


Why do you love me?

16 Sep

As I sit, I wonder why.

Why me? I am smaller than I realize. I am more fragile than I confess. I am weaker than I seem. I am more scared than I appear.  I am more broken than I care to admit.

I am more weakness than strengths.  I am more holes than bucket.  I am more needy than needed.

In light of this, I feel that it is appropriate to ask why.

I used to ask why God are you not using me in a great and mighty way, but now I am wondering why even love me at all?  This is not a question asked in fake humility, but born out of deep soul-searching.

I know the things in life that I love. They are strong. They are helpful. They are beautiful.

I tend to run from other things that don’t fit my criteria. Things that are weak. Things that are needy.  Things that are unlovely.  For an item’s worth is often the basis of love.  I will admit that it is often the basis of my love.  I walk away from things that are too hard… from things that have hurt me… from things that disappoint me.

Romans 5:8So why would you want me? Why do you love me still?

I have walked away. Sometimes unaware of my actions, while at other times they are quite intentional.  In those moments, I feel as if these other pursuits of my affection will give me something – something that I am desperate to find.

I hate to call myself desperate, but it best describes my wild pursuits.

Doesn’t it hurt you when I choose these things over you?  My disloyalty is obvious.  It is not sly or hidden, but abrasive and in-your-face.  Nor are my days of wandering over.  I may be present today, and absent tomorrow.  Even I am confused by the fickleness of my life.

I have disappointed you. I know it. Once so full of passion energy and vibrancy, I would have followed you to the ends of earth. I could have been… but I am not.  I am a living example of “if only,” “but then,” and “except that.”  Often I even surprise myself at who and where I am.

These are the reasons that cause me to wonder why. They are valid.  In view of these things, I am not sure how love could endure.

If you do still love me, and if this type of love does exist, I am not sure that I am not capable of returning it. I am not sure that I will ever be. I am not even sure it is possible.

And if I am not able to return this love in equal proportion back, then once again I ask,


Romans 5:8

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”


Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Replacing Thoughtfulness on Valentine’s Day

11 Feb

The color of a rose can have a very different meaning from what you intend. To ensure that your love understands what the roses you bestow mean, check this guide to rose colors and their meanings: <b>Red Roses</b>Red roses proclaim ...Valentine’s Day is coming.  Women have been looking forward to for months.  We have been dreading it for twice that length.  I understand how you feel.  I feel like the rest of you… Continue reading

What Do Women Need From Men?

17 Jul

large_2627694611I was asked a question the other day by a good friend that I’ve never been asked before. I wish that the amount of honesty and vulnerability in this question didn’t shock me, but it does. He asked,

“What do Christian women need from Christian men in today’s day and age?”

Because I’ve never been asked this before, it took me a few days to come up with an answer. Now that I’ve recovered from my initial shock, I can give you a list of 5 things Christian women need from Christian men.

(Quick note: This list is to be used in consideration with dating relationships and marriage. For friendships, please refer to point 5.) Continue reading

Manly Quote Monday: Extremists

3 Jun

large_5332424984Though I was initially disappointed at being categorized as an extremist, as I continued to think about the matter I gradually gained a measure of satisfaction from the label.

Was not Jesus an extremist for love: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Was not Amos an extremist for justice: “Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever flowing stream.” Was not Paul an extremist for the Christian gospel: “I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.” Was not Martin Luther an extremist: “Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God.” And John Bunyan: “I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a butchery of my conscience.” And Abraham Lincoln: “This nation cannot survive half slave and half free.” And Thomas Jefferson: “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal . . .”

So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Continue reading

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